This article outlines five ways that can help you to be more optimistic , less stressed and adopt a more positive perspective in your life in general or towards specific unfortunate incidents or situations that face you on a day to day as part of life. these 5 ways below are just suggestions you may take whichever way you desire but the important thing is to do something about the way you feel, do not give up and always remember that the way you feel is always your choice.
First Step: Back To Childhood
Observations of children’s behavior highlight the keys to their development. What we seek when we are young are often the very things we deny ourselves when we get older:
Variety – fascinated by everything!
Diversity – fascinated by everyone!
Experimentation – play
Idea development – creative outlets
A child’s reaction to change is explicit. Adults experience similar feelings but we often hide them or leak out signals of our discomfort. Observe a child react to change and you see the following:
A grown up’s reaction :
• Insecurity • Denial • Need for comfort • Acceptance
A child’s reaction contradicting the above:
• Excitement • Action • Parents – get out of the way! • My playground just got bigger!
Step Two: Deal with Stress - POSITIVE PRESSURE/NEGATIVE STRESS
Stress can occur when you let circumstances control you rather than you controlling
them. A certain amount of stress is beneficial: it gives us an edge, also with no stress we simply get bored. On the other hand, when stress becomes too much and when we can no longer control it, we can get burned out. It’s important to be able to differentiate between the two.
The danger signals come when you detect a downward spiral – when your behaviour
starts to change from that which is your personal norm. The person with positive mental
attitude is able to take a few simple steps to help regain self-control when they see the
signs of stress occurring.
| Enjoying pressure | Feeling stressed |
| Meeting deadlines | Poor planning and self-organization |
| Making decisions | Avoiding decisions or regularly making poor ones |
| Positive relationships | Self-absorption |
| Balanced perspective | Taking unrealistic or unreasonable standpoints |
| Controlled emotions | Outbursts or unpredictable displays of emotion |
| Motivated | Little interest in work or other activities |
Dealing with Stress -- Regaining Control
• Take part in activities that take you psychologically away from the part of your life that causes you stress. Don’t always carry emotional baggage around – especially if it’s work-related baggage
• Rebut unreasonable demands – say what you want, think, feel in a clear, concise, properly assertive manner, with respect for others
• Identify what actions of your own can change the situation. If they can’t then you have to drop it. You can’t change what you can’t change!
• Learn about yourself – how does stress manifest itself in you? Recognising the signals will help you regain control quicker
• Don’t put off that which is causing you stress. It may seem easier, but you’re just storing up bigger problems for the future, including risk to your personal health.
Step Three: FRESH PERSPECTIVES
Do you get bored at work?
Mentally disengaging from your work because you tell yourself the job is boring creates the reality you envisaged.
| Drudgery | Opportunity |
| Sterility | Seek out variety |
| Avoid responsibility | Use initiative |
| Keep my head down | Express myself |
| Tell me what to do | Take responsibility |
| Can't do it | Can do anything |
Step Four: Be more Flexible
Reactions are robotic behaviours - responses are considered conscious choices When you unconsciously react , you give your power away. When you consciously respond , you stay flexible and keep your power
Becoming More Flexible: an 8-Step Plan
1. Notice the things that 'push your buttons'.
2. Be aware of yourself beginning to react.
3. STOP and notice that you have other choices.
4. Decide on your desired outcome.
5. Choose the response most likely to produce this outcome.
6. Respond appropriately.
7. Pay attention to the feedback you get.
8. Modify - if necessary - your response until feedback indicates you have achieved the desired outcome - or as near as you can get to it.
Step Five: Motivating yourself
We all want more pleasure and less pain. Motivation becomes action when the force of our desire to have, be or do something exceeds the force of inertia keeping us where we are. Our fears of failure - or even of success - also enter the equation on the side of inertia.
Here is a quick activity that can help you put this step into practice , Use and fill out the below table :
| Things i Enjoy doing | Things i have to do but don't want much to do | Ways i could enjoy completing these tasks |
| 1- | ||
| 2- | ||
| 3- | ||
| 4- | ||
| 5- |
Beliefs are a matter of choice. It is not necessary to believe the following statements, but you may like to "try them on" to see how they could change your outlook on life:
• Everything happens for a reason.. Adversity contains the seeds of benefit. Seeds need attention and nurturing to grow.
• You can choose to accept responsibility for everything that happens to you and give yourself the power to take control of your life. Blaming other people means giving your power away.
• Health and happiness are natural states. A shortfall in either indicates an imbalance in your system. Learn to find your own point of balance.
• The mind and the body are part of the same system. If you change your mind, you change your body. If you change your body, you change your mind. So Exercise, you will feel great afterwards!
• The only constant in life is change. Learn to make it your ally, not your enemy. Embrace change.
• If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always gotten. If what you are doing is not getting you where you want to be, then do something different.
• What you focus on will increase in your life. Focus on problems and you will experience more problems. Focus on success, and you will experience more success.
• There is no such thing as failure: there is only feedback. Feedback comes to you via your senses, and tells you whether you are on-course, or off-course.
• All the resources you need - and all the answers - are already within you. Learn to listen to your inner adviser.
• Long term success requires commitment. Only you can make the decision to commit to your own success - and to decide what success means to you.
Answering the following questions can also be very helpful:
How can I most easily let go of the past?
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What must I do to create a happy and inspiring future ?
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What must I do to remember to let go of less-than-useful feelings?
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What else do I Need to do to develop these skills?
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