Communicate Assertively
Understanding the differences between passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive communication can help you become more effective, confident, and respectful in all your interactions.
Overview of Communication Styles
Assertiveness is about expressing your own rights while respecting the rights of others. This balance plays out in how we speak, write, and use non-verbal cues. The four communication styles are:
- Passive
- Aggressive
- Passive-Aggressive
- Assertive
It's estimated (though not from an official study) that around 85% of people communicate passively, 10% aggressively, and only 5% assertively.
Communication Styles Breakdown
😶 Passive
- Mission: Please others
- Needs to be liked
- Poor eye contact
- Indirect communication
- Pretends everything is fine
- Avoids confrontation
- Fears: Never getting what they want
😡 Aggressive
- Mission: Control
- Needs to be right
- Stares during eye contact
- Direct and forceful communication
- Thinks they’re always right
- Fears: Being exposed or wrong
😐 Passive-Aggressive
- Mission: Get even, subtly
- Indirect resistance and manipulation
- Uses silent treatment, gossip, or procrastination
- Fears: Losing control while appearing polite
🙂 Assertive
- Mission: Solve problems collaboratively
- Values self and others
- Clear, confident speech
- Good posture and eye contact
- Takes ownership and listens
- Fears: None—focuses on understanding
Assertive Body Language
- Facial Expression: Committed, concerned, interested
- Posture: Upright, open, relaxed
- Eye Contact: Consistent and steady
- Speech: Calm, direct, and friendly
- Gestures: Open, controlled, with hands below elbow level
Why Assertiveness Matters
Assertive people tend to earn respect, reduce conflict, and build trust faster than those who lean too far into the other styles. They communicate what they need while leaving room for others to do the same. This is a crucial skill in interviews, teamwork, customer service, and leadership.
To reflect on your own communication habits and assertiveness levels, take our Assertiveness Profile and Scoring Self-Assessment.
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