The “but” activity
The “but” activity
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The “But” Activity
This simple yet powerful exercise demonstrates how a single word — “but” — can change the tone of a message and diminish what came before it. By replacing “but” with “and,” participants experience how language can build connection instead of contradiction.
Purpose
To help participants recognize how small word choices influence the tone, interpretation, and emotional impact of their communication.
What You’ll Need
- No materials needed — just a group of participants and a few example sentences
How to Run the Activity
- Introduce the idea: the word “but” often cancels out whatever came before it. Replacing it with “and” encourages acceptance and continuation.
- Give example sentences like:
- “You did a great job on this report, but there are a few things to fix.”
- “You did a great job on this report, and there are a few things to fix.”
Debrief & Discussion
- What effect did “but” have on the message?
- Did “and” change how the feedback was received?
- Where do we unintentionally use “but” in conversations?
- How might this apply in giving feedback, resolving conflict, or leading a team?
Trainer Tips
- This activity works well as part of a session on feedback, coaching, or empathetic communication.
- Use it to introduce tone awareness — not just the content of what’s said, but how it’s received.
- Follow it with a real-world role-play using customer service or workplace scenarios.
Optional Variations
- Scenario Practice: Have participants role-play giving feedback or handling objections using both “but” and “and.” Let the listener reflect on how it felt.
- Flip the Sentence: Invite participants to rewrite negative-sounding statements in a more constructive way using “and” or neutral language.
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Want more practical exercises like this one? Browse our free games and communication activities or explore the full Communication Skills Training Kit — complete with slides, exercises, trainer notes, and handouts for professional delivery.
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