Giving feedback at work shouldn't feel like walking on eggshells. But it often does—especially when the message is hard to hear. One thing makes all the difference: rapport. When the relationship is strong, feedback lands better, even when it’s tough.

🎯 Why Feedback Gets Misinterpreted

Two common reasons people misunderstand feedback:

1. The wrong language. People process things differently. Some think in pictures, others in steps or feelings. If your feedback doesn't match how they think or communicate, it may fall flat or come across as criticism.
2. Lack of evidence. Vague feedback feels like a personal attack. Clear, specific observations—what was seen, heard, or done—help the receiver understand exactly what needs to change.

📋 Two Questions to Ask Before You Speak

• What did I observe that tells me this behavior needs to change? Example: “You’ve been late three days this week. Each time you mentioned traffic.”
• What will success look like? Example: “You’re at your desk and logged in at 9:00 AM like the rest of the team.”

This level of clarity helps shift feedback from personal judgment to practical coaching.

🔍 Specificity Matters

“You provide great service” is nice—but unclear. “You respond to customer emails the same day and give full answers” is clear and actionable. Always aim to describe what people say and do. That’s what drives real change.

Examples of weak feedback:

• You need to be more confident with clients.
• You aren't assertive in meetings.
• You need to be more proactive.
• You have to manage your team better.

Instead, clarify the evidence and the change you want to hear or see. Example: “I want to see you speak up during client meetings, especially when explaining product benefits.”

💡 Coaching Tip

One team leader used the “and not but” technique and saw her team become less defensive during reviews. Just changing that one word helped shift the tone of the conversation dramatically.

🔎 Framework You Can Use: SBI Model

The SBI model (Situation – Behavior – Impact) helps structure feedback clearly:

• Situation: “During yesterday’s client call…”
• Behavior: “…you interrupted the client twice…”
• Impact: “…which made it harder to build trust.”

🥪 The Feedback Sandwich (Handle With Care)

It’s common to sandwich negative feedback between positives. This can work—but one word often ruins it: but.

Example with "but": “John, your January meetings were great, but in March you let discussions drag on.”

He’ll likely forget the January praise and zero in on the March critique.

Try "and" instead: “John, your January meetings were great, and in March, discussions ran long which kept the team from reaching a decision.”

The tone is more balanced and less defensive.

🙅 Focus on Behavior, Not Personality

Feedback should target what someone does, not who they are.

• Personality feedback: “You’re lazy.”
• Behavioral feedback: “You’ve missed three deadlines this month.”

The second one opens the door to a solution. The first one closes it.

📘 Real Feedback Reframed

Here’s how a vague comment becomes helpful coaching:

Instead of: “You need to be more confident with clients.”

Try: “Jane, I’d like to see you smile more during client visits, speak up in meetings, and reassure them when they raise concerns.”

This gives Jane something real to work with.

✅ Quick Dos & Don’ts

• ✅ Be specific and descriptive
• ✅ Link feedback to behavior, not personality
• ✅ Use “and” instead of “but” to soften the blow
• ❌ Don’t generalize or assume intent
• ❌ Don’t give feedback in the heat of emotion

Want to help others give better feedback too?

Try our Coaching Skills Self-Assessment

📦 Want to Train Others to Give Feedback Effectively?

Download our ready-made Coaching People training material package—ideal for trainers and managers leading coaching or feedback-focused sessions.

Coaching People – Full Training Material Package

• ✅ Includes editable trainer guide, workbook, and slides
• ✅ Practical examples and feedback exercises
• ✅ Based on real-world coaching scenarios