These ten coaching commandments offer practical guidance to help managers, trainers, and leaders build more effective coaching relationships. Use them as a checklist to make sure your approach is fair, structured, and constructive.

1. Suspend your own personal judgments – Manage Bias
   You won't like everyone you coach—and that’s normal. But your biases can influence how you treat team members. Be honest with yourself about your preferences, and notice how they shape your behavior. Awareness is the first step to managing fairness.
2. Separate characteristics from performance factors – Diagnose Right
   Don’t rush to blame attitude or skill. First, map out all possible causes of the gap in performance. Then divide them into:
   • Characteristics: Attitudes, skills, and knowledge the person brings
   • Factors affecting performance: External conditions beyond their control
   Sometimes, the issue isn’t the person—it’s the system. Fixing the environment may be your first coaching task.
3. Pinpoint what happened that shows a change is needed – Be Specific
   What did you observe? If someone is consistently late and offers the same excuse every day, that’s a pattern worth addressing.
4. Define what success looks like – Clarify the Goal
   What will show you the behavior has changed? For instance, seeing someone at their desk and ready to work on time, without prompting.
5. Ask questions, don’t give lectures – Promote Ownership
   Questions make people think. Try: “How do you think it came across when...?” instead of “You shouldn’t have...”. This builds ownership and reduces defensiveness.
6. Balance improvement areas with praise – Empower Change
   Don’t focus only on what needs to change. Highlight what’s working, too. Be specific. “I appreciated how you...” is more effective than a generic “Good job.”
7. Encourage narrative-rich discussions – Go Beyond the Facts
   Ask people to tell the whole story. When they describe feelings, context, and small details, you get insights you’d miss by asking just for facts.
8. Agree on development tactics together – Plan with Purpose
   Plan next steps with your coachee. Discuss:
   • What can they do?
   • What support will they need from you or others?
   • What might get in the way—and how will you handle it?
9. Monitor progress and follow up – Support and Adjust
   Learning involves mistakes. Keep the tone open, honest, and supportive. Set clear check-in points and reinforce accountability.
10. Allow enough time for coaching – Don’t Rush the Process
    Coaching takes more than a quick chat. If the conversation is running long, end after clarifying needs and book another meeting to discuss objectives. Don’t rush through just to finish.

📘 Coaching Tip in Action

“During one session, I noticed a team member constantly checking their phone. Instead of saying, ‘You’re distracted,’ I asked, ‘What’s pulling your focus right now?’ That opened the door to a helpful discussion rather than defensiveness. We agreed on a goal, and the behavior improved within a week.”

🔗 Related Resources

Want ready-to-use materials to run your own coaching sessions? Download our Coaching People Training Material Package.

Or test your own abilities first with the Coaching Skills Self-Assessment.

📦 Looking for Editable Coaching Materials?

Use our ready-to-deliver Coaching People training package—ideal for trainers, managers, and HR teams.

Download Coaching People – Full Course Package

• ✅ Complete trainer guide, workbook, and slides
• ✅ Real coaching and feedback scenarios
• ✅ Fully editable and customizable